Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Thunder Is Actually Sound of Earth Breaking, Reveals Small Child

   CEDAR RAPIDS, IA - In a breakthrough discovery refuting years of scientific theory, a small child declared Thursday night that thunder was actually the sound of Planet Earth cracking and slowly being destroyed.

   "When lightning hits the ground, it makes a hole in the ground," said 8-year-old Brandon Smith said during recess, "and when we get a lot of holes, it makes cracks and the world starts breaking and that's the sound of it breaking."

   "Mom [Janet Smith] told me that it's nothing," Smith stated emotionally, "but it's-- no, she's wrong. It's loud."

   Smith, who has been afraid of thunderstorms since he was five, had previously analyzed theories that the thunder was actually God bowling, God's tummy rumbling or angels bowling.

   When asked how we should prepare for the Earth's impending collapse, Smith replied, "I don't know. I'm scared. We should all be scared of it."

   The news comes as a surprise to most established adult scientists who, for years, had theorized that the sound was actually caused by the lightning itself, traveling through the air and creating a sonic shock wave.

   "Frankly, I'm stunned," said NASA chief meteorologist Frank Roberts, "I mean, millions of dollars and man hours have been spent on previous research, but I guess the simplest explanation is probably the right one."

   When pressed to explain where lightning comes from, Smith simply cried for ten minutes.

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